The New Vestments

There lived an old man in the kingdom of Tess,Who invented a purely original dress;And when it was perfectly made and complete,He opened the door, and walked into the street.

By way of a hat, he'd a loaf of Brown Bread,In the middle of which he inserted his head; -His Shirt was made up of no end of dead Mice,The warmth of whose skins was quite fluffy and nice; -His Drawers were of Rabit-skins, -- but it is not known whose; -His Waistcoat and Trowsers were made of Pork Chops; -His Buttons were Jujubes, and Chocolate Drops; -His Coat was all Pancakes with Jam for a border,And a girdle of Biscuits to keep it in order;And he wore over all, as a screen from bad weather,A Cloak of green Cabbage-leaves stitched all together.

He had walked a short way, when he heard a great noise,Of all sorts of Beasticles, Birdlings, and Boys; -And from every long street and dark lane in the townBeasts, Birdles, and Boys in a tumult rushed down.Two Cows and a half ate his Cabbage-leaf Cloak; -Four Apes seized his Girdle, which vanished like smoke; -Three Kids ate up half of his Pancaky Coat, -And the tails were devour'd by an ancient He Goat; -An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore up hisPork Waistcoat and Trowsers to give to their Puppies; -And while they were growling, and mumbling the Chops,Ten boys prigged the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops. -He tried to run back to his house, but in vain,Four Scores of fat Pigs came again and again; -They rushed out of stables and hovels and doors, -They tore off his stockings, his shoes, and his drawers; -And now from the housetops with screechings descend,Striped, spotted, white, black, and gray Cats without end,They jumped on his shoulders and knocked off his hat, -When Crows, Ducks, and Hens made a mincemeat of that; -They speedily flew at his sleeves in trice,And utterly tore up his Shirt of dead Mice; -They swallowed the last of his Shirt with a squall, -Whereon he ran home with no clothes on at all.

And he said to himself as he bolted the door,'I will not wear a similar dress any more,'Any more, any more, any more, never more!'

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