Ramble

Sometime ago, I'm told, a rambling fitSeiz'd on Apollo, God of Song and Wit;He spoke to Mercury, and ask'd if heTo Earth a while would bear him company?'With all my heart,' said he, 'I long to know,'And see what's paſsing in the world below.'Then, if you please, I'll lead for you the way;'For Hermes oft conducts the Gods, they say.

Bacchus, who heard it, whisper'd, thro' the sky,That soon they meant to quit the realms on high,Propos'd that their example he might follow,Which was with joy accepted by Apollo.

They went, and leave of absence ask'd of Jove,Then sallied gaily forth from Realms above.

To Britain's Isle, with speed , they bent their flight,And lighted here, just on the edge of night;Immortal formsthey veil'd in dark disguise,And seem'd like mortal men, to mortal eyes.

Old Vulcan's Smithy soon, with ease, they found,Directed by the thund'ring anvil's sound;To see the limping God they straight repair,Secure of finding friendly welcome there.The moment they approach'd, old Vulcan knewHis Godlike guests, and then to meet them flew;His hammer thrown aside, he Limp'd apace,Alternate each he clasp’d, in close embrace;Straight to his Cabin then the Gods he ledTo pass the night, and take a friendly bed.The best of ev 'ry sort was order'd out,Rum, Brandy, Wine, with Ale and Porter stout;O'erjoy’d, on earth, to see such worthy friends,The sparkling glass he round the table sends.

They talk'd of former times, they sang and laugh’d,They smok’d, crack 'd jokes, and friendly bumpers quaff’d ;As Nectar, Bacchus prais'd the amber ale,Apollo sang, and Hermes told a tale.The host well pleas'd, the guests quite blythe and gay,In mirth and glee the ev ’ning pass’d away.

The Gods now told their errand—Vulcan smil'd—With various anecdotes the time beguil'd;

And 'vow'd, next day, if they would walk at leisure,'That he'd be happy to attend their pleasure.'

They ask'd about the Police of the place,And much he wish'd to do his Townsmen grace;

For in th' administration of the laws,Both equity and justice judge each cause.He told them, that the Officers were few,'Of Constables and Bailiffs, each but two:'The latter privileg'd are, ev'ry year,'To treat their friends and neighbours with good cheer;'And those invited to each Civic Feast,'Cost him, who treats, one hundred pounds at least.'He said, 'Inferior Courts sat once a week,'For those who petty debts were forc'd to seek;

'Procrastination there, is seldom know,'The Judges soon award each one his own.'And, tho they seem'd to wonder, Vulcan swore,'They oft dctermin'd thirty suits an hour.'

Of sim'lar Courts we've many in the land,Whose laws, like those of Medes and Persians, stand;For when the JUDGES set their hand or seal,From their decision, there is no appeal.

'Th' Inhabitants,' he said, 'take old and young,"Might then amount to Eighty Thousand strong.'Of Churches there are Two, of Chapels Four,'And of Disenting Meetings near a score."

Of Public Charities we have our share,To which all freely give, who ought can spare;For independent of the Levies clear,Which net, near Thirty Thousand Pounds per year,There's various Institutions, where, indeed,Relief's afforded to the poor in need,Who oft, with grateful hearts, those gifts receive,Which lib'ral donors oft so freely give.

Of Public Places for Amusement, weCan boast of little more than two or three:Of Libraries rare, we number two,One call’d the Old, the other styl’d the New.We've Mails and Coaches, Hourly setting outFor ev'ry Town and County round about,And safe conveyance had to ev'ry part,For East, West, North and South, they daily start.

Of handsome Hackney Coaches we've our share,But yet no Act to regulate their fare;Of course the Coachmen charge whate'er they please,Tho' few are found extorting extra fees;You'll find them steady fellows, and quite willing,To drive you several streets' length for a shilling;

Two shillings to Vauxhall's their usual fare,Or Eighteen-pence the Crescent or the Square;But those who visit Handsworth or Soho,Had better make a bargain, ere they go.

Of Banks we've Four,—than which none in the landUpon a steadier, former basis stand.When Stocks were low, and discount's rapid force,Had almost drain'd Old Abr'Am's grand resource,The Credit of our Bankers firmly stood,As sterling Gold, their Notes were full as good,Nor e'er were question'd-all throughout the land.The Reason's plain-They pay 'upon demand'.Old Vulcan said, 'Of one thing he was sure,'The atmosphere we breathe is clear and pure;'The num'rous Fires around,' he said, 'bid fair,'T' expel all Vapours, purify the Air:'And though, in some things, Doctors differ still,'To controvert that truth, there's none that will.'

Our Streets are spacious, Buildings neat and clean,As in a Trading Town were ever seen,And Fifteen Thousand Houses here you'll find,With thrice Ten Thousand Shops arrang'd behind.

The Streets are pav'd, 'lis true, but all the stonesAre set the wrong way-up, in shape of cones,And Strangers limp along the best pav'd street,As if parch'd peas were strew'd beneath their feet;Whilst custom makes the Natives scarcely feelSharp pointed pebbles press the toe or heel.

Of Annual Fa1rs, indeed, we have but few,Yet rest well satisfy'd with only two;But those who favourite dainties often seek,Will find there are, three Marxets every week;And Epicureans, then, may have their wish,And tho' an inland place, find good fresh fish;For many schemes suggested, have been tried,To have our markets constantly suppliedWith ev'ry thing that's good, and cheap in reason,Fruit, Fish or Fowl, and rarities in season:And as for Meat, each Butcher in his station,Will safely swear, 'No better's in the Nation.'

Of Inns and Public Houses there are plenty,To guess at which you'll double ten times twenty:When that is done, you then may take four score,To make the number near, add twenty more.'What!' cry'd Apollo, Five and twenty score,'When Vulcan thus reply'd, Aye, many more.'

Now Hermes seem'd surpris'd, and Bacchus star'd,And thought Olympus could not be compared,Nor Hybla sweet, or Nectar so divine,To what he found below, Good Ale and Wine:The Gods quaffd flowing bumpers, with true zest,To Vucan toasted-Then retir'd to rest.

Next day They rambl'd round the Town, and swore,'That such a place they never saw before:'They visited our Wharfs, and, wond'ring, foundSome thousand tons of Coal pil'd on the ground,And scores of boats, in length full sixty feet,With loads of mineral fuel, quite replete ;Whilst carts, and country waggons, filled each space,And loaded teams stood rang'd around the place.The Gods beheld the whole with great surprise,And ask'd, from whence we gain d such large supplies ?'For, tho' well vers'd in all Empyreal scenes,They here were pos'd, to find our 'Ways and Means.'—

When satisfy'd—then told, some hundred tonWould be consum'd that day, ere setting sun,In Birmingham alone,—amaz'd They stood,And ev'ry pile, with admiration, view'd.

They next, attracted by the vivid gleams,Saw Marcasites dissolve in liquid streams,And stubborn Ores expand, and smelting, flowBy strength of Calefaction, from below.

To see the Pin-works then, the Gods repair,Nor wonder'd less at what they met with there,To find it was in any mortal's pow'r,TO point, and cut, twelve thousand Pins an hour;And fifty thousand Heads their shapes acquire,In half that time, spun round elastic wire.

The different Button-works, they next review,And seem'd well pleas'd with sights so rare and new :The various Ores they saw rich hues impart,Assuming different shapes, by skilful art;And beauteous metals polish'd charms display,In radiant colours, rang'd in fair array;

The process of the Gilding look'd well o'er,Yet scarce could tell a rich gilt, from semilore;Each Stamp, each Lathe, and Press They careful scann'd,Then went to see the Paper Trays Japann'd;Examin'd nicely ev'ry curious part,And much admir'd th' improvements of the Art.

These seen, they next resolv'd with speed to go,To visit Boulton's, at the great Soho,The wonders of that magic place explore,And with attention, view its beauties o'er.

They went—but here description fails, I ween,To tell you half the curious works there seen.Suffice it then, such scenes were there display'd,The Gods, with rapture fraught, the whole survey'd;Their Names they wrote, and saw, with great surprise,Fac Similes that moment, strike their eyes;Whilst at the Mint, th' invention of the Mill,Seem'd as if Coin was form'd by magic skill.

But when the ponderou Engines were survey'dThey ev'ry tribute due to merit paid:Then, with reluctance, forc'd themselves away,Resolv'd to see all that they could by day.

At Handsworth, by intrinsic worth impellid,They stopp'd, and Eginton's Stain’d Glass beheld,With admiration saw the Artist trace,A beauteous Seraph, or an Angel's face.

Now back to Birmingham, with speed they hie,Exploring ev'ry place, with curious eye.The Gods, at Swinney's Foundry, stood amaz'd,And on each curious Type and Letter gaz'd ;Then the Museum view'd!**********************************

Next, at the Gun Works, they, surpris'd, beheldThe lusty Cyclops musket barrels weld;Whilst peals, like rattling thunder, shook the roof,When nit'rous powers proclaim'd them Standard Proof.The dread explosions, wing’d by echos round,Made Gods themselves to startle at the sound.

To see the Buckle Works they next repair'd,'Twas ere that Fancy Trade was so impair'd;When all the Makers had a full employ,Which made some thousand hearts to dance for joy;For Buckles then , by high and low were wore,Nor were, by Sprigs of Fashion, deem'd 'a Bore.'A fatal epithet, however gloss’d,For thousands, by that Word, their bread have lost.

Ingenious engines prov'd mechanic powers,And happy pas'id the months, weeks, days and hours ;'The Toy Shop of the World,' then reard its crest,Whilst hope and joy, alternate, fill'd each breast.

Inventions curious, various kinds of Toys,Then occupied the time of men and boys,And blooming girls, at work, were often seen,That twice their ages join'd, was scarce fifteen,Sent by their parents out, their bread to seek,Who'd earn, perhaps, some shillings in a week;And many worpen, too, you then might see,With children on the lap, or round the knee,An honest livelihood intent to gain,And their sweet infant race, help to maintain.Charm'd with the sight, the Gods the whole reviews,And seem'd, with admiration, quite subdu'd.

To see each warlike weapon They resort,And view'd the polish d blade, of various sort,The Scimeter, the Sword, the Faulchion bright,Form'd for the dreadful horrors of the fight;Sharp pointed Poionards, and the Sabre keen,Spikes, Spears and 'Lances, were in thousands seen.

From thence They went, well satisfy'd away,To see the Whip ingenious engines play:Then Lloyd's fam'd mill, for slitting Iron Rods,Was honored by the presence of the Gods.

To Whitmore's, then, intent on earth to scanThe wond'rous works of still more wond'rous man,They next resorted; and Hydraulics new,Machines and Rolling mills with pleasure view;Whilst sturdy Cyclops, Anvils rang'd around,With thund'ring hammers, made the air resound.

Ten thousand nameless beauties strike the eye,Form'd from the yielding Wax, or plastic Die,Whilst from the copper, or the canvas, start,Ten thousand beauties of the Graphic Art;Of Artists rare, who has not heard the fameOf * *'s Portraits, or of * *'s Game;Of * *'s Medals, Silver, Gold or Brass,Which Dacier's, or the Antients, far surpass!

From Articles minute, to pond'rous Ores,The Royal Patent, here, is found in scores;Huge Engines, I have seen, with ease, compressThree truss of hay, in half a span, nay less;With patent Wheels, which malt so quickly mashes,Spring Latchets for the shoes, and patent Sashes,Ingenious Snuffers, which some ign'rant elves,At first, suppos'd, were made to act themselves;Grand warlike Weapons, various works of art,Machee of paper, and the Patent Cart:Improvements in the mode of making Locks,Proof Leather Helmets too, and Patent Cocks;Spring steps for Coaches, Needles, 'mongst the rest,And, to detect Base Coin, the Patent Test.

The Gods, well pleas'd, with all they saw on Earth,Where works of genius daily had New Birth,Breath'd forth a pray'r that soon a lasting Peace,Might crown this Isle, and Commerce still increase;Then to their lib'ral Host's, they back repair'd,And with Old Vulcan friendly bumpers shar'd;Thence re-ascended to the realms above,And with their Rambles oft divert Old Jove,