A Ballad upon a Wedding

I tell thee, Dick, where I have been;Where I the rarest things have seen,O, things without compare!Such sights again cannot be foundIn any place on English ground,5Be it at wake or fair.

At Charing Cross, hard by the wayWhere we (thou know'st) do sell our hay,There is a house with stairs;And there did I see coming down10Such folk as are not in our town,Vorty at least, in pairs.

Amongst the rest, one pest'lent fine(His beard no bigger though than thine)Walkt on before the rest:15Our landlord looks like nothing to him:The King (God bless him!), 'twould undo him,Should he go still so drest.

At Course-a-Park, without all doubt,He should have first been taken out20By all the maids i' th' town:Though lusty Roger there had been,Or little George upon the Green,Or Vincent of the Crown.

But wot you what? the youth was going25To make an end of all his wooing;The parson for him staid:Yet by his leave (for all his haste)He did not so much wish all past(Perchance) as did the maid.30

The maid—and thereby hangs a tale;For such a maid no Whitson-aleCould ever yet produce:No grape, that's kindly ripe, could beSo round, so plump, so soft as she,35Nor half so full of juice.

Her finger was so small, the ringWould not stay on, which they did bring;It was too wide a peck:And to say truth (for out it must)40It lookt like the great collar (just)About our young colt's neck.

Her feet beneath her petticoat,Like little mice, stole in and out,As if they fear'd the light:45But O, she dances such a way!No sun upon an Easter-dayIs half so fine a sight.

He would have kist her once or twice;But she would not, she was so nice,50She would not do 't in sight:And then she lookt as who should say,'I will do what I list to-day.And you shall do 't at night.'

Her cheeks so rare a white was on,55No daisy makes comparison(Who sees them is undone);For streaks of red were mingled there,Such as are on a Katherne pear(The side that's next the sun).60

Her lips were red; and one was thin,Compar'd to that was next her chin(Some bee had stung it newly):But, Dick, her eyes so guard her face,I durst no more upon them gaze65Than on the sun in July.

Her mouth so small, when she does speak,Thou'dst swear her teeth her words did break,That they might passage get;But she so handled still the matter,70They came as geod as ours, or better,And are not spent a whit.

If wishing should be any sin,The parson himself had guilty been(She lookt that day so purely);75And, did the youth so oft the featAt night, as some did in conceit,It would have spoil'd him surely.

Just in the nick the cook knockt thrice,And all the waiters in a trice80His summons did obey:Each serving-man, with dish in hand,Marcht boldly up, like our train'd band,Presented, and away.

When all the meat was on the table,85What man of knife or teeth was ableTo stay to be intreated?And this the very reason was—Before the parson could say grace,The company was seated.90

The bus'ness of the kitchen's great,For it is fit that man should eat;Nor was it there deni'd—Passion o' me, how I run on!There's that that would be thought upon95(I trow) besides the bride.

Now hats fly off, and youths carouse,Healths first go round, and then the house:The bride's came thick and thick;And, when 'twas nam'd another's health,100Perhaps he made it hers by stealth;(And who could help it, Dick?)

O'th'sudden up they rise and dance;Then sit again and sigh, and glance;Then dance again and kiss:105Thus several ways the time did pass,Whilst ev'ry woman wished her place,And every man wished his.

By this time all were stol'n asideTo counsel and undress the bride;110But that he must not know:But yet 'twas thought he guess'd her mind,And did not mean to stay behindAbove an hour or so.

When in he came, Dick, there she lay115Like new-fall'n snow melting away('Twas time, I trow, to part):Kisses were now the only stay,Which soon she gave, as who would say,God b' w' ye, with all my heart.120

But, just as Heav'ns would have, to cross it,In came the bridemaids with the posset:The bridegroom eat in spite;For, had he left the women to 't,It would have cost two hours to do 't,125Which were too much that night.

At length the candle's out; and nowAll that they had not done they do:What that is, who can tell?But I believe it was no more130Than thou and I have done beforeWith Bridget and with Nell.